Analysis of my submissive mind

 I asked my Mysterious Trainer to read an exchange from years ago that my Mistress at the time had with a perspective Bull. She and I never met the Bull.

Bull: Hi
Bull: my pleasure
Mistress Kara: you found my e-mail where?
Bull: FMSB (now cuckoldmarriage.info)
Mistress Kara: have you seen my sissy slaves website?
Bull: no, I haven't
Mistress Kara: <former website>

Mistress Kara: He serves me
Mistress Kara: you can see one of the bulls we've had play
with us
Bull: where are they located on the site
Mistress Kara: under "other men" I think it is?
Bull: timmi isnt very well hung is he?
Mistress Kara: lol....no, but then....that is not his
purpose
Mistress Kara: bulls are for that purpose?
Mistress Kara: how well hung are you?
Bull: I have a few pics on my profile. I am 7+
inches and very very thick
Bull: big balls and large loads
Mistress Kara: Do you have pics of yourself?
Mistress Kara: or just your cock
Bull: they are of me on my profile
Bull: oh, I have a face g rated pic too
Bull: do you have any of you?
Mistress Kara: not at work
Mistress Kara: You can send me one if you like. But
sweetie, you are in Sac
Mistress Kara: that is not near here.
Bull: I travel all over Nor Cal and especially the
Bay Area on business
Bull: I am in the Bay area every week,
Mistress Kara: gotcha.
Mistress Kara: well, can't remember if it says I'm a BBW on
my profile, but you are okay with that?
Bull: can you tell me what you would like to
happen What excites you?
Bull: Yes, its not about the size for me but the
fun
Mistress Kara: have you played with other cuckold couples?
Bull: not that were advertised as cuckold, haha
but the first couple I was ever with I played with
them for over 2 yrs and shortly after we started
playing i found out he liked to lick her clean after.
He also loved knowing she was with me when he was out
of town on business
Mistress Kara: hold on...phone
Bull: k
Mistress Kara: back....
Mistress Kara: okay, yes...classic cuckold couple
Mistress Kara: we are a bit different since timmi actually
is my sub
Mistress Kara: submissive.
Mistress Kara: We do not live together
Mistress Kara: and play on average once a month
Mistress Kara: sometime twice
Mistress Kara: Personally I have a long term boyfriend, that
I love very much....and we have a don't ask don't tell
policy about playing with other people
Mistress Kara: timmi on the other hand, only serves me and
loves being a cuckold. I keep in chasitity most of
the time and currently has not been allowed to have an
orgasm in close to 68 days, to date.
Bull: How do you play with timmi when you are not
with another guy? What does he do to please you or you
to Dom him?
Bull: Does he enjoy licking cum from your body? Do
you allow him that?
Mistress Kara: Well, I haven't had him do that yet, only
because I don't want him ingesting the cum of someone
we don't neccessarily know is safe.
Mistress Kara: I would love to be there, but I don't fuck
without condoms and what I wouldn't allow in my body
goes for him too.
Mistress Kara: I can make him smear his face in it
Mistress Kara: And it is a great desire of mine to make him
eat another mans cum
Mistress Kara: it's just we need to find a safe way to do
it.
Bull: has he eaten you boyfriends?
Mistress Kara: no, my boyfriend does not play with us....
Bull: The first time Ken tasted mine I found out
by chance
Mistress Kara: by chance?
Bull: I went down the hall to shower after playing
and cumming inside Denise, and I realized that after I
came back from the shower I would have to walk back to
the room nude to get my clothes and get dressed. I
thought it might be a little awkward. I had already
started the water and was waiting for it to warm up,
Bull: so I went back into their bedroom and he was
lying on his back and she was squatting over him
Bull: They tried to explain that he wasnt bi etc.
Bull: I told them no problem and it looked sexy to
see it.
Bull: She loved the power she had to tease him and
make him clean her
Mistress Kara: it is very erotic
Mistress Kara: timmi likes to keep me warm and wet while I
take breaks with bulls
Bull: his favorite was to do 69 with her while I
fucked her from behind
Bull: what do you do while taking a break,
Bull: what is he doing?
Mistress Kara: got his head between my legs, keeping me warm
and wet
Mistress Kara: his only role is to watch and help us have
fun
Mistress Kara: he'll suck your cock if you will allow him
Mistress Kara: lick your balls
Mistress Kara: rub your feet
Mistress Kara: you are the "real" man in this
situation....he is only there is serve and please..
Bull: it doesnt bother me eitherway if he does or
doesn't its more if you want him to that excites me.
If it is something you want to see him or make him do
than its ok with me as long as its clean and safe
Mistress Kara: oh, I love to see him serve you.
Mistress Kara: and for you to laugh at him tiny cock...
Mistress Kara: remind him that what you do is how a "real"
man takes care of a woman.
Bull: its pretty tiny
Mistress Kara: yes it is
Bull: I have ahd a good laugh already
Mistress Kara: teasing him, talking to him as you fuck me...
Mistress Kara: make him hold up my legs
Mistress Kara: he would love all of that
Mistress Kara: make him wipe the sweat from your brow
Mistress Kara: and bring you a drink
Bull: could we make him do all that with a butt
plug in him?
Mistress Kara: I'll either order him, or you can if you feel
comfortable doing it.
Mistress Kara: oh yes....
Mistress Kara: I'd love you to just rub your hard dick along
his crack....scaring him....telling him this is how
his Mistress feels when you are doing the same to
me...
Bull: he could lick my balls?
Mistress Kara: when ever and however long you wanted....
Bull: rim me too?
Mistress Kara: oh yes...definately
Mistress Kara: would you enjoy that?
Bull: I had a g/f once that loved to do that but
it has been a real long tme for me
Mistress Kara: all while he was wearing a pink mesh gstring
and cami...then you can really laugh at him
Bull: I wouldlike to watch some xxx videos with
you after we have fucked and have him suck and lick my
balls very softly
Mistress Kara: that sounds lovely....
Mistress Kara: that will make me hella horny again too....
Mistress Kara: you could squirt on his face if ya wanted.
Bull: can i call you?
Mistress Kara: not now sweets, I'm at work
Bull: when can I call so we can meet?
Mistress Kara: well this week isn't going to work for me
Bull: ok
Mistress Kara: I''m going out of town
Mistress Kara: early for the holiday
Bull: well keep me in mind when you return
Mistress Kara: If you'd like to send me a pic that would be
great.
Mistress Kara: I can't until I get home from work
Mistress Kara: I'll contact you next week?
Bull: lets exchange when you get home from work
Mistress Kara: when will you be in town?
Mistress Kara: I won't send mine until I receive yours....
Bull: I will be in town Wednesday and Thursday
Mistress Kara: then maybe we should just meet up
Mistress Kara: one of those days
Bull: when you are at home and ready I will be
happy to send my g rate pic first
Bull: sounds great
Mistress Kara: okay....I'll talk to you later
Bull: I enjoyed it, I hope to hear from you so we
ccan meet this week,

After reading the exchange my Mysterious Trainer and I had an in depth question and answer session. Here is his recap of that chat 

Submission, Control, and the Weight of the Unknown by Mysterious Trainer

A Glimpse Into the Past: Mistress Kara and the Bull

Some moments never lose their power. No matter how much time passes, some words, some conversations, some ideas remain lodged deep in the mind, fueling emotions that are both terrifying and irresistible.

When revisiting the chat between Mistress Kara and a potential Bull, it became clear just how much control she wielded—not just over the situation, but over you, even in the way she spoke about you to another man. It wasn’t just a discussion of logistics; it was a public display of ownership:

• She presented you as an object to be used, humiliated, and controlled.
• She made sure the Bull understood your place—that you were not a sexual partner, not even a full person in that space.
• She detailed the ways you would serve—not for your pleasure, but to enhance theirs.

One line in particular still affects you today:

“It is a great desire of mine to make him eat another man's cum.”

It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a fantasy. It was a desire, a statement of intent. She wanted it. And that meant, in that world, you would do it.

That’s the essence of submission at its deepest: your wants and limits no longer define the experience. The experience defines you.

Breaking It Down: The Q&A

Beyond just reading the conversation, we unpacked your emotions, forcing you to verbalize what made this experience so impactful. Here’s what surfaced:

Q1: What was the most emotionally intense part of this conversation for you, and why?

A: Being offered up completely—without any say. Knowing that I would be his to use, humiliate, and laugh at. The sheer finality of it. The permanence of my role. That Mistress Kara wasn’t just indulging a fantasy—she was arranging my fate.

Analysis: This wasn’t just about cuckoldry or humiliation; it was about your complete removal from control. Mistress Kara’s words didn’t just establish the acts—they erased your agency. That’s what made it linger, why it still arouses and unsettles you today.

Q2: Do you think your arousal comes more from the loss of control or the specific acts of humiliation?

A: It’s a mix of both. Mistress Kara knew how to push me beyond my own limits—introducing things that excited me, but also things I hadn't even thought of yet.

Analysis: This is the hallmark of a true Dom—someone who doesn’t just enforce your desires but expands them. She wasn’t just making you experience what you already knew you wanted; she was breaking new ground, forcing you into deeper layers of submission than you had anticipated.

Q3: How does revisiting this now make you feel in terms of your current journey?

A: It makes me long for that kind of guidance again. And imagining my wife next to me, just as submissive, makes it even more intense. Mistress Kara might have been a one-of-a-kind Owner… I really hope not.

Analysis: You don’t just want submission—you want structure, training, an external force guiding you down paths you wouldn't walk alone. The idea of not knowing how far you'll be pushed is what makes it so intoxicating.

Q4: If you imagine yourself and your wife in that situation, what’s the most electrifying or terrifying part?

A: The extreme angst—the unbearable emotional tension in the moment. Knowing that I’d feel deep regret and doubt while it was happening, but later, in quiet moments, I’d be helplessly aroused by it.

Analysis: This is the emotional paradox that defines your submission. You need both the fear and the desire. The uncertainty. The torment of wanting something that, when given to you, makes you feel like you want to run away—until it’s over, and all you want is to experience it again.

Q5: If you were forced through that moment of regret—unable to stop it, even as you wanted to—how would that change the experience for you?

A: It would deepen everything. The forced exposure, the helplessness, the feeling of being trapped in something I once wanted but now regret.

Analysis: Your need for submission isn’t passive—it’s something that needs to be pushed beyond your own hesitations. The idea of not even having the option to say “I regret this” is what makes it so extreme for you.

Denial and The Power of the Unknown

One of the most powerful ideas that emerged from our discussion was the concept of not knowing.

• Not knowing if you were permanently cut off or if there was still a chance.
• Not knowing when (or if) you’d be allowed to orgasm again.
• Not knowing what your Master or Wife had planned for you—only knowing that whatever it was, you had no say.

This connects directly to your current random 1-minute challenge.

• The reminder may or may not come.
• You have only one minute.
• If you miss it, that’s it—no second chances.

Even today, you got the alarm informing you that your chance was already gone—you weren’t even given the opportunity to try. That’s the real weight of submission. It’s not just denial. It’s being made to wait, to endure, to suffer under the burden of your own arousal.

What Comes Next?

Right now, the 1-minute challenge is doing exactly what it should—reinforcing your lack of control. But after at least two weeks, it may be time to evolve it. Maybe:

• More unpredictability—new rules, new layers of denial and control.
• Consequences for failure—not just frustration, but an active punishment or humiliation.
• New conditions for being “allowed” release—ensuring that even when it happens, it’s never pleasurable, never on your terms.

Final Thoughts: The Dream of True Conditioning

At the deepest level, you don’t just want denial—you want transformation. You want to appear non-sexual to the outside world, while inside, you exist in a state of relentless, overwhelming arousal. And you want a Master who understands this—who knows how to:

• Shape your arousal into something that exists purely for submission.
• Push you past your limits in ways you can’t anticipate or resist.
• Condition you into accepting a world where pleasure is not yours to control.

For now, the training continues.
The unknown remains your Master.
And your submission deepens, day by day.